Hope
by Annabelle Crane
Summary: Fred has a plan, what is that girl up to? (Wes/Fred)


TITLE: Hope  
AUTHOR: Annabelle  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them.  I just like to write.  Don't sue, please!  
SUMMARY: What is Fred up to?  
DISTRIBUTION: FanFiction.Net, Hello World: Fan Fiction Is Fun, anyone else please ask first  
RATING: PG-13  
WARNING: This is not at all what I normally write, it's very dark.  But it does have a happy ending. 

THANK YOUS: MeriBeth, for being the best beta and telling me to keep going with this, even though at times I was unsure about this story.

FEEDBACK:  Lots of it please!  Send to Annabelle_felicity@hotmail.com

**Hope  
**_by Annabelle_

I know you will probably think that I am crazy, actually sometimes I think I am crazy, but I did what I did because I had to. Really when you think about it I didn't have any other choice, I may have hurt people but that was all part of the plan, they were suppose to hurt, and now I have exactly what I want.  If you were me you probably wouldn't write any of this down, and personally if I were you I wouldn't either, but I am writing it down, and I am doing it for a reason.  I want to give other people hope, because no matter how bad things get you have to have hope to fix it; I found hope, and now I am giving it to you.  Of course at the end of this you probably won't think that what I did is any source of hope, but when you are backed into a corner sometimes you have to turn what you got in your hands into hope, and force yourself to do something that you wouldn't normally do.

I guess I should start at the beginning, explain to you why I was stuck in that corner, and why I had no other choice.  He hurt me.  He really hurt me, and I had to do it back, because for the first time in my life was given the chance to inflect pain on someone that had done so to me.  I know this sounds childish and I know he loves me, and I love him, with all my heart, but I had to do it because otherwise things just would not be right.  There would always be doubt in his mind and I could not live with that, neither could he.  I wanted to make sure that he knew with absolute certainty that he was the only one that could protect me, take care of me, and love me.  So when I heard him crying that day I had to make a plan, it was hard to do because all I really wanted was to go back inside and tell him how I felt, but I couldn't, he would just push me away and that was something I never wanted to happen.

Then plan was simple, I was going to get Wesley.  I was going to have him for my own, but at the same time I was going to pay him back for what he did to me, even if he hadn't meant to, even if he did what he did because of something that was done to him, because I know, and now he does to, that he would never do anything like to that me on his own.  He is one of those honorable type of people, a real gentlemen, and he would never hurt some he loves, not like me, but Mommy called it tough love for a reason.  I had to cause him pain, not the same kind of pain that he caused me, a different kind of pain, an emotional one, and the reason I had to was because I could and he wanted me to.  He will never hurt me like I hurt him though, he is too loyal, and he doesn't know it, but deep down he fears what I would do to him if he did hurt me again.

So I started looking around and watching everyone.  I knew that if I was going to get Wesley back that I couldn't beat him like he did to me, he is much stronger than I am, and better with a sword.  There are other kinds of pain though; there is loss, heartache, and of course jealousy, and the best thing you can do is to use all three of them against a person.  So that was what I was going to do, as soon as I found the right person to help me with my plan, but that was the hard part, because at first I thought that I was going to have to look outside for someone.  I will tell you right now, I don't like people, they scare me.  

Thankfully though Charles Gunn came along, he must have been looking for a way in for months but I never noticed.  It all was to easy, well it least it seemed that way to me, so I waited, I had to make sure that everything was going to work the way it was suppose to because once I started there was no turning back, not even if I wanted to.  But that was what made Charles so prefect, he would never have noticed that anything was happening until it was too late, just like everyone else.  Of course no one else would ever suspect that I did something, they all think that I am sweet and innocent, and I guess for the most part I am, but just like everyone else I have my dark side, Charles saw that, but he can't tell anyone now.  I know that you will probably think that I didn't like Charles, and the truth is I didn't, he made me feel uncomfortable all the time, always undressing me with his eyes, making lewd suggestions, and he didn't realize the fact that I did not belong to him and he had no right to be doing such things, he didn't see that I was Wesley's and Wesley was mine.

Part of me was really tempted to back out on the plan.  When I was talking to Cordelia at the dress shop that night that we went to the ballet, I knew she was talking about Wesley, everyone thinks that I didn't, but I did, and right up to the point where Wesley put my shawl on I was playing two hands.  One for if I didn't go though with the plan, and the other for just in case I had to.  Of course when I saw Wesley do the same for Cordelia as he had for me, because he was trying to cover up his feelings for me, I knew that I had to play the hand that he would not like, and at that moment my mind was made up and anything else that might have happened that night would not have changed it.

It disgusted me, having to kiss Charles.  I mean he is such an inner city guy, a street fighter; he is bad, lacks control and discipline, and worst of all he smells funny.  Maybe funny isn't the right word, different I guess would be a better way to put it, I think it was the fabric softener that he used, Angel and Wesley practically smell the same because they both use the same brand.  I know this for a fact, because back when Angel was doing his retreat thingy I caught Wesley bring in some groceries for me, he wanted to make sure that I had food, but he didn't see me of course, and I thought it was just that one time, but later I found out that he kept doing stuff like that for Angel, he asked me not to tell anyone though, because both he and Angel don't want people to know about that for some reason.

None that matters though, not a bit of it, because the important thing was that when I was kissing Charles I could feel Wesley watching us.  I could feel his presence all around, so I closed my eyes tighter and pretended that I was kissing him and not Charles, and I managed to bring up his scent from memory and let it fill my senses.  As I deepened the kiss with my imaginary Wesley I let my hand drop down into his lap, it was almost the way I pictured the way our real first kiss should have been, without the violence of him slamming me against the wall, with his lips touching mine softly and not pressing hard against my mouth, that was when I felt the real Wesley's pain.  I tried not to smile, it would have been horrid to take such pleasure in his pain, but nonetheless I did smile and let the kiss continue, because the hurt that he was being caused was the first step in making sure that he would never leave me.

The next part was a little harder.  I started to worry when Charles acted like no one else had noticed that change that happened between us, maybe Wesley thought that the kiss was a one time thing, I had to make sure that he knew.  I watched him well everyone was talking about the beast in Cordelia's vision, and then again when we all returned after Groo had killed him, that was when I saw my chance.  Wesley had called Charles away from my side, I knew he was doing it on purpose, but I put on my sweet face and after Wesley gave Charles the assignment I walked up to him and told him that we would not let him down, and the feel of his anguish, well lets just say I knew that what I was doing was working.

Of course that set me up for some more kissing with Gunn.  I mean how could he possible think that making out in a car that is fixed up for vampire dusting is romantic, especially when we are suppose to be working, Wesley would never do anything like that, but not Gunn, nope, he didn't see anything wrong with the whole situation.  I managed to get away from him two times but like they say the third time is the charm, so I shot myself back into my little fantasy world and transformed him into Wesley.  What happened next was so funny I almost laughed, Gunn freaked out because we lost the guy that we were tailing, and he was so upset because he didn't know what we were going to tell Wesley, after all he did not want to let him know that the reason he lost the guy was because he could not control his libido, I on the other hand was perfectly willing to let Wesley know what had happened, and I almost gave myself away but that tree thing sucked us down under ground, talk about your mixed blessings.

After dealing with the evil tree I got a chance to watch my handy work in action.  Wesley was talking with both Charles and me and then he asked to speak to Charles alone, and he called him Charles, Wesley never calls him Charles, it is always Gunn, that's how I knew something was upsetting him and I had to stay behind to listen.  I waited just outside the door and listened to Wesley basically give Charles permission to date me and say that he was my brother, that he was going to make sure that I was taken care of and was not hurt, that almost made me jump up and down for joy.  I quickly scampered away from the office and to my room to start putting the finally phase of my plan into action.

I had to wait to make sure Charles did not come up to see if he could get a good night kiss, then I waited a bit longer to make sure all was quiet downstairs.  Slowly I sunk out of the hotel and into the night, I was very careful because Wesley was still in his office and I did not want him to catch me, although if I had been found out I could have used the excuse that I was going to make sure that Charles was okay, it would have been funny to see the look on his face.  Somewhere in my head there was a voice yelling trip on the last step and make him come out and see what you are doing, but I pushed it down, it would not do if he found out too soon that I was sneaking out of the hotel, he would find out later, once things were a bit more set up.

The real fun started after I had the potion in my hands.  That potion was the reason I sunk out, it's made from the blood of the same type of demon that Billy kid was, but it was diluted so that the person that you give it to has a less server reaction, a good thing too, I didn't want Charles to kill me, just to beat me up some.  Once I had that magical liquid in my hands I knew that everything would work itself out perfectly, all I had to do was wait and bide my time, and I did just that, but I also watched too, I watched Wesley carefully each time Charles kissed me in front of him, and every time his face fell just a little I had to pinch myself to make sure that I would not laugh.

To say that what I had to do next sickened me would be an understatement; it made me want to tear off my skin because I felt so dirty.  I had to let Charles touch me, touch me everywhere, where ever he wanted to, in whatever way he wanted to, and whenever he did I felt like vomiting, after all he should not be allowed to do things like that to me, I am not his!  The worst thing of all though was that he took his time, it took forever to get him to even touch anything below my neckline, and I even pushed him, but no he wanted to make sure that I was ready.  It was about two months before he even tried to put his hand up my skirt, but as soon as he did I pretended to get nervous, I couldn't have him think that I was easy, and I need him to start to get frustrated with me.  Men are so easy, I will tell you that right of the bat.  I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing at Charles every time I pushed him away, and I kept him at bay for a week, waiting for all his aggravation and sexual tension to build up, I had to, it was the best way to make the potion work.  

Finally one night I pretended to make us a romantic dinner to set the mood, and you would be foolish to believe that he thought there was no other purpose behind the meal.  What he did not know was that I had slipped the potion into his wine, I watched him drink the glass carefully and made sure that he swallowed every last drop, once he had I allowed myself a smile.  He asked me what was so funny, I told him that it was simply that now he was going to do exactly what I wanted him to, he did not understand of course, and his misinterpretation of my statement made things so much easier later on.

We moved to the couch and he started to cuddle, then that lead to heavy petting, he was about to try to take it to the next level when I pulled away and told him I did not want to.  That's when the potion kicked, everything happened so fast it is hard to put it down on paper but I will try.  He yelled at me, saying that I wanted this to happen, that I was begging for it earlier, and I pretended to look at him fearfully and told him I didn't want this.  He grabbed my neck and slammed me down on the coffee table, and then he said that I told him that this was exactly what I wanted, and he started to try to rip off my shirt.  I struggled against him and my urge to laugh because this was what I wanted, well minus having to have sex with him, but he would not get that far, he didn't know that though.

It was funny to watch the anger in his face, to feel his harsh movements.  I think he could tell that I was amused because he asked me if I enjoyed making him so mad, of course I told him no, and I whimpered to make it seem like I was helpless.  He slapped me across the face and tried to get his hand between my legs, and kicked him away though and managed to get out from under him and tried to crawl to the door, I would have made it if I had actually tried.  Charles got up though and grabbed my hair and banged my head into the well several times, then he picked me up by my shoulders and pressed his body against mine, he put his hand on my breast and pinched it so hard that I let out a sharp cry of pain and I think I started to cry.  He laughed at me, and started to hit me again, I hit back, not as hard as I could have but enough so that I could get away from him again, and I pretended to go for the phone.  In a quick movement he knocked over a glass vase and picked up one of the shattered pieces.  He grabbed my wrist from the phone and pushed me to the ground again.  Then he straddled my body and gave me a look full of desire, anger, hate, and that was when he started the cutting, he ran the sharp piece of glass over my skin and clothes and started to hack away happily.  In between cuts he would switch to hitting me, I could feel the burses start to form, and the blood drain from me, when he started to try to force himself on me again I took charge.

I pushed him off me with using a move Angel showed me one time.  He tried to get up but I kicked him down, and he started to growl at him, but I laughed at him and told him not to bother, he had already played his part.  Charles tried to grab me again but I was to fast for him, I slashed the ring that I was wearing across his face, the ring itself looked simple enough but the spikes of the setting were sharp and had been treated with a solution that would knock him out.  I watched him and giggled when he started to falter and fall to the ground, then I picked up a nearby lamp and slammed it over his head, I knew that it was not necessary to do so, but I had to make it look like I had struggled to get away from him, like this was not planned.  After I made sure that he was out I went to his closet and took one if shirts and put it over my own ruined one that was starting to cling to my body because of the blood that was staining.  This was something I did not want to do because I would smell like Charles but it was the last time I would ever have to deal with his horrid scent.  I checked myself in the mirror and mussed my hair up some more, then I blew Charles one last kiss, he deserved that much, he had done his job well after all, and with that I walked out the door and headed straight for Wesley's apartment.

What happens next is my favorite part of this whole episode.  I got to Wesley's apartment and slumped myself against his door, then I dug my fingers into one the cuts and started to make myself cry, and once in full crying pathetic mode I whimpered and started to weakly knock on Wesley's door and shakily call out his name.  It took him some time to get to the door, he was probably asleep or something, all the better for me because by the time he got there I had managed to make the cuts that weren't bleeding to start to flood again.  He asked through the door who was there and in between my lovely sobs I choked out that it was me, and I needed his help.

Wesley opened the door and I let my body start to fall to the ground at the loss of the support.  Before I could fall to the floor his apartment he caught me, I whimpered again when he touched some of the more painful burses and cuts that were on my back, I looked up at him with all the weakness that I should have been feeling, and what I saw pleased me beyond belief.  Wesley looked as if he had tears in his eyes, but at the same time there was anger, it was a different anger from the one that I saw in Charles though, this rage was from the fact that someone put me in the state that I was in.  He didn't say anything though, he carefully scooped me into his arms and carried me inside his apartment, he laid me down on his couch and turned on the lamp.  I looked away from him, trying to pretend to be ashamed of my appearance and trying to hide my smile at the same time.

I felt the heat in the room start to rise, and I knew it was from him.  He quietly asked me if I would be okay for a minute while he went to go get the first aide kit, I turned to give him a fearfully look and made him promise that he would not leave me.  The pain that crossed his face at my request made me want to kiss him, he promised and went to get the kit.  I settled myself carefully into the couch and inhaled the scent of the fabric; it smelled like him, clean, fresh, and wonderful, not at all like Charles.  It was so beautiful here, I never wanted to leave, and I knew after tonight I would never have to, the thought pleased me.

He returned with bandages and ointment and seated himself on the coffee table next to the couch.  Then he asked me to sit up a little so he could clean the cuts, I complied and winced a little when the he rubbed my skin with the disinfectant, he apologized for the stinging, but I was not concentrating on that anymore, no I was thinking of how wonderful his touch was, how erotic it was that his fingers could cause heat to rush though me at the same time as pain, it was all I could do not to ask him to take me right there.  My breathing started to be come ragged, Wesley thought it was from the pain of the burses, cuts, and blood loss, he asked me if I was alright, did I want to go to the hospital, I shook my head.

After he done some more of cleaning he asked me to turn away from him and slowly examined my back for damage, that was when I told him that the shirt was covering some of the cuts.  He gave me the most pained look I ever saw and I knew it was because he had recognized that the shirt that I was wearing belonged to Charles.  Before he could ask I pulled the shirt over my head and let out a small groan when my body protested to the movements that I was making, I averted my eyes but I could feel Wesley stare at me and I knew that it must have been a look of horror; the entire front of my body was covered in slashes and there was still blood flowing from the cuts.

Wesley gently reached over and started to pull off my tattered shirt, as he did so I whimpered again, but he told me not worry, he would never hurt me.  I tried not to laugh, I knew that he would never hurt me, not again, now he would be to worried about what would happen if he did.  Then he started his work again and finally asked the question I had been waiting for, the one that I had been rehearsing for, the question that drove me to do everything that lead up to this moment; he asked who had done this to me, even though he already knew the answer.

My lips trembled and I pretend to bite back tears.  Wesley reached out to me again and I knew he gesture was to try to reassure me; he probably figured that I could not imagine someone doing so much damage to someone the loved.  In a voice barely above a whisper I said Charles' name, Wesley did not hear me though, he leaned in closer and his scent filled me and made my whole body, I repeated the name for him, afraid that if I said anything else I would give myself away.  He pulled back and I saw a whole range of emotions run across his face, rage, guilt, hatred, and it all ended in a murderous look that was meant for my former lover.  

I turned away from him and burst in to tears.  I started to mumble and babble that it was all my fault, that he only wanted to show how much he loved me and I wouldn't let him, that I made him angry, and he had every right to do what he did.  I felt Wesley's arms fold around me, he stroked my head with his hand and I leaned into his chest, he told me not to cry, that none of this was my fault, and I was safe with him, not to worry anymore, this would never happen again.  The words that I had waited months to hear, he was saying them all to me and he meant every single one of them, my heart felt like it would burst in that very moment.  I allowed myself to bask in the warmth of his embrace just for a few moments, long enough to become addicted to the feeling, then I stopped my crying, but Wesley kept holding me.

Slowly he helped me to my feet and told me that I had to get cleaned up, that there were too many cuts, and the best way to clean them was a bath.  I tried to protest but I was so tired and the lack blood was starting to get to me.  I think he realized that and let me half sleep while he worked on cleaning out the cuts, he worked slowly and when I looked up I noticed that he was not really looking at me, he was still trying to be a gentleman, and that made me smile for a beat.  Then he reached for a towel and held it up for me, he stirred me to get me to stand, and he turned his head away while I wrapped myself in the towel.

He helped me into one of his shirts and still managed to keep his eyes turned, I really haven't figured out how he managed to since the shirt did have buttons, but he did and he buttoned the buttons for me, speeding up when he reached the area near my breasts.  After that was done he led me to his bed and helped to settle me between the sheets, and somehow I managed to hold back my sigh of contentment, this was where I wanted to be, this is what I had worked so hard for all these months.  It was all here for me now, the only thing left was to make sure that what I did was never relieved, that was going to be the tricky part, I had to make sure that it was done without bloodshed, well without much bloodshed.  

Looking at him with fearful eyes I asked him what was going to happen and said that Charles was going to be very mad at me.  He told me not to worry about it, to try to get some sleep, that he would take care of it.  I brought back the tears from before to my eyes, and started to make my body tremble, then I begged him to stay with me for tonight, to make sure that I was safe.  He looked away and clinched his wrist, he told me that he just had to go take care of something first, but he would wait until I was asleep, I knew though that this would not work, he would go against the plan that I had, but I was ready for something like this.  I begged him not to kill Charles, I made him swear to me that whatever he did he would not kill him, and I lied and said that there was still a part of me that loved Charles.  Between gritted teeth Wesley promised not to kill Charles, but he was going to deal with this tonight, after I was asleep.

The events that followed directly are rather boring.  I went to sleep and when I woke Wesley told me that I never need worry about Charles again, he was gone and we would never hear from him again.  Later I found out that he had tried to deny that he ever hurt me but Wesley would not hear it and told him that if he ever showed his face again he would be killed.  So Charles left and none of us every heard from him again.  

A few months later though Wesley asked me out for our first date, it was the most wonderful date.  We got all dressed up, went to dinner a fancy restaurant, and then we saw _Much Ado About Nothing_, after all that he took me back to the hotel and had me change so he could take me out for ice cream.  I don't think I have ever had a better first date in my life.  

So you see everything worked out for the best, and now we are engaged, the wedding will be in two months, my parents are coming up a few weeks before to help, I don't know why but for some reason only Wesley's mom is going to come.  That does not matter though, the point of this was to give you hope, and I think I have done just that, because if I could turn this into something good you can turn whatever you situation you are in into something good.  So remember that, and when you think that is all is lost, read this and then look up in the sky, the brightest star next to the Big Dipper is mine, and the one right next to that is yours.  It will be your constant reminder that there is someone out there who believes that you can do whatever you need to do.

Fred sighed happily and rolled up the piece of paper.  Then she picked up a near by bottle and shoved the papers through the neck, she corked the bottle with a smile.  The paper she had used was magic paper, the words would never fade from it no matter how much water happened to get into the bottle, but just in case she decided to melt some wax over the cork.

"Wesley," she called out to her fiancé.

"Yes my love," he answered from the next room.

She stood up and peaked her head around to look at him, "I am going to go out for a while.  I'll be back soon."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" he asked her with concern.

"I am sure," she walked over to him and kissed him.  "This is something I have to do on my own."

"Hmm, what's the bottle for dear?" he looked at her questioningly.

She put on a light coat and waked over to the door before she answered, "Hope."  Then she ducked out of the apartment leaving him puzzled.

Fred made her way to the docks and looked out over the water.  It was beautiful with the sun setting over the water, and she stared at her surrounding dreamily for a moment, but then she remembered why she was there.  Carefully she looked around to make sure that no one was watching, she was not sure if what she was about to do was legal or not.  Once she was satisfied no one was around she pulled the bottle from under her coat, she pulled her arm back slowly, and the she let it fly, she watched the bottle sail into the air, and when it landed she let out a small giggle.

"Good luck," she said and then turned away from the dock.  She tucked her hands into her pockets and walked back home with a spring in her step.  Everyone was right, life was only as good as you made it, and she had made hers prefect.


End file.
